Why hello thar! Welcome to ME! (updated Sept 2020)

So upon announcing on Facebook that i would begin blogging, i asked for suggestions on topics and got a few. After a bit of an explanation about me, i'll address those. If you already know me, or think you do, you can skip this part. Or not, since i may explain a few things you don't know.


First thing you should know is this, unless it is the first letter in a sentence i don't capitalize the letter i when referring to myself. This is because in my head, i don't feel as though i need to be capitalized, i'm not important enough for a proper pronoun. Other people? Why yes, yes they do. I do not.

Ok, me. You will notice that on occasion i mention being broken. I am. Physically and mentally. More physically than mentally. When i was 18, i had any semblance of a normal life taken away from me in an instant.

Yeah, that.  Someone fell asleep at the wheel and tried to end me. (And my daughter, since she was in utero at the time.)
And gave me this in the process:

So, broken i am, for 25 years now.  The reason i got that out of the way is because, being broken, i FORCE myself to find the funny in everything. Even the morbid.  If i offend you, well, then you are offended. Deal with it. Feel free to express it in the comments, but don't expect me to give what is commonly known as a flying fuck. Because i don't. I get stared at on a daily basis because i walk with a cane.  So just a heads up to everyone, when i care: i care deeply, when i feel strongly about something i will discuss and defend. However, i DO agree to disagree with you, since i do think everyone should have their own opinions, formed by their own life. So i will defend your right to your own opinion, even if it's not the same opinion i myself have.

I was once told by someone that if my mind gets any more open, my brain will fall out.  I like that, i do try to keep an open mind about everything. You never know when something will come along and adjust your view of things.  So i keep my mind open to learning new things,  because when you stop learning your brain starts dying. 

I swear, i swear a lot. I enjoy swearing, fuckity fuck fuck fuck. They are words. People give power to words.  You see a lot of "Taking back <insert derogatory phrase here>" Whom are they taking it back from? Mirriam-Webster?  Gimme my redundancy you wretched dictionary! Keep my uvula since it makes me puke anyways. So i swear. I allow anyone aged 13+ around me to swear, because if kids learn when it is acceptable to swear when they are younger then we won't have that breaking in period in college when it's all drinking, fucking and saying "well, fuck shit damn! gimme another beer!"  (Hey, Patty! He's got beer!)

I suppose that's enough about me, let's talk about you. I will only use first names when hitting the topics that people suggested i talk about. Here we go:

Zach: You are attracted to the crazy.  Something in your psyche makes you think that you can help them learn to live life unpsychotically.  You've had the same pattern since high school, you date hot chicks who are batshit insane.  You'll find someone someday that is NOT your usual, then it will work.
(This person lost his life to his personal demons April, 2019)
Dan #1: 42, you know that.

Nicholas: You'll find it here: http://answersinhistory.wordpress.com/ I'm not doing your homework for you.

David:  Chickens are kewl, because when playing MajorMud in the mid-90s and you are bored out of your freaking mind, you HAVE to say something to keep yourself and others entertained. And you know it did.  Geigudr started my chicken collection, i have about 50 now. They are taking over my house.

Dan #2: What disturbs me the most about society is the inability for people to think for themselves.  I think that people need to question everything, EVERYTHING. Even if they think they know everything there is to know about a subject, then they need to look a little closer. You can always find something new about whatever topic you may be researching, even accounting.

People need to do what's best for them and those close to them at the time. This is not to say that i think that people need to live for only themselves, you can get a sort of emotional satisfaction from helping other people out. If you need to live in a dirt hut, do it. If you need to have a glass of strawberry lemonade after dinner each night do it.  But if you have to hurt someone else to get those damn strawberries, don't do it.

Parents need to accept that their children may not turn out to be who they expect them to. I sure as hell didn't.  BUT <--that's a big but they need to accept their children for who they ARE.  If beliefs and opinions differ from what they were raised with, then it's going to be ok. Let it go. Let them be who they are.  And for fuck's sake just deal with any disappointment inside, don't make your kids feel bad for being REAL PEOPLE.  They may not be the people you want them to be, but they are still your kids, and they need your love and support no matter what some crazy priest, some other society people, or some of your other family members say.

Ok, i think i've run out of steam. I haven't hit any controversial topics yet, but believe me, i likely will. And again, if you are offended, go hang out in your corner until you cool off, then come comment and attempt to make me care. Oh, wait, that won't happen.

The Seriousness of Life, and others. Originally posted in 2007 or so. (Updated in 2020)

Once upon a time, there was a banana.  This banana was a world traveler who especially liked going to Bimini.  (Don't ask, it's fiction, bananas can have personality and the like)
This banana, realized, that it probably shouldn't be traveling as much, as it could end up being classified as a terrorist so it decided to stay in bimini, take up skateboarding as a hobby and sell non-fruity drinks.
(My eye keeps twitching and it won't stop.  Damn my eye!)
The coconut began to think, and when it did it vanished in a cloud of illogic, as coconuts aren't allowed to think. The lime arrived 2 hours too late.

This story is dedicated to everyone, for no reason other than i just fucking felt like it. (what does IT feel like anyways?  Can you see it?  Feel it?  Hear it today?  If you can't than it doesn't matter anyway. At leasy Mike Patton says so.)
~~

I was thinking today about the people in my life.  There are many different kinds of people, and they each fill a different aspect of my wild and varied (and slightly off) personality.
There are some whom i consider family, people whom i'm close to, yet some are still very far away.  Some of these include my many wonderful internet friends, people who i've never met in person, but know that when i do finally meet them there won't be any strange awkwardness or false shyness.  Just the love that has been expressed via electronic communications and phone calls.
There are others who seem to keep me young, even when i'm feeling very old.  Those who remind me of who i used to be when i was younger, and bring out those aspects of me.  Those people i cherish, and even though there was a disconnect for a time, we seem to have picked our friendship back up, right where it left off.
There are some who i have some things in common with, like parenting, who i can go to for empathy, sympathy and commiseration.  It's nice to know that i'm truly not alone in the frustrations and joys of life experiences.
There are new friends, who i don't see much, but still fill an essential role in helping me express myself, or at least some aspect of myself.  Usually one that i keep in hiding and only bring out for special occasions.
There are my close friends, who i know i can turn to when i'm lost. And when i'm not.  There are very few people whom i feel like i can just be and not have to worry about reigning myself in.  Or watching what i say.  I love these people, more than they will ever know.
I speak of loving people often.  I find that people are not told that they are loved and appreciated enough.  I love everyone in my life, each in their own individual way.  I try to give as much as i receive, and even though sometimes it is fairly subtle, it's there.
There are people whom i miss dearly, and have left a hole in me which i can never fill.  These people need to know they are still loved, with as much intensity as there was when we were close friends, even though for various reasons, we can't be together, even as friends.  It hurts, but i will always treasure the memories that we made.
So if you are reading this, and recognize yourself in any of my descriptions, or know you are in there somewhere, even if you can't place it, know that you are loved, appreciated and needed.  And no matter how long it's been since we've talked, for whatever reason, know that you make me smile when i think of you.  Even if i just talked to you 10 minutes ago. Or 10 years ago.

Written January 31, 2009, but is still very relevant, even in 2020.

What is success?
To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people
and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by
a healthy child, a garden patch
or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed
easier because you have lived;
This is to have succeeded.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I read this in a book, and it touched me.  I have always lived by the creed that if i can make one person laugh per day, then my day is complete.  From past experiences i have learned that you can't help everyone, no matter how much you want to, but can help some.  Sometimes just by sharing a differing opinion and making them think. Or just sitting quietly listening, really listening, which is truly a lost skill in the 21st century.   Every person i've ever known has taught me something about life, some life lesson that has engraved itself into my psyche.  Not all have been positive, not all have been painless, but all have had an effect on me, and the way i live my life. 

I try to live to learn, and i'm trying to teach my kids the same.  Everything in life has something you can learn from it, even if you don't realize the lesson until later.  Through the years i have done some incredibly stupid things, as well as made some very smart decisions.  All of these have been influenced by people, and situations i've experienced in life. 

Every friend i've ever had has been loved by me.  Many never knew it, i'm trying to make sure all of the people currently active in my life are aware.  Love is not always romantic, love is not always passionate. Love is sometimes a calm, steady pillar of strength.  i love and am loved.  There are some people who i love from afar, as it's too hard to be close again.  There are some people who i love from close by.  All are held close to my heart.

I have made friends via the interwebs who live all over the world.  I wish i could gather them up and bring them to my dungeon, um erm, home, for there are some i would love to just be able to hug, whenever, wherever.  They all know they are loved by me.

I have no idea why i'm writing about love again, i find when i'm feeling depressed that it's hard to accept that i'm lovable, so i guess i want to make sure that everyone else knows that they are lovable and loved.
So, even if i've never talked to you, met you, or just communicated with you by text, know that you are loved.